You can watch this video in short segments, all in one long film, or download the audio to listen 'off line'.

Many therapists don’t notice shame in their clients. Others notice, but lack the confidence to tackle this slippery topic. And there are those therapists who cannot bear to address a client’s shame because they have not explored their own. It is said that if a client is stuck then shame will often be at the root of that.

Juliet Grayson and WiIliam Ayot will bring together and share a wide range of tools and techniques to deal with this pervasive issue in ourselves and our clients.

They share their model called:
The Five Aspects of Treating Shame.

This is a workshop that will be beneficial for both therapists AND for members of the general public.

  • 1

    Treating Shame, Tools and Techniques

    • Please read this before moving on to the next part.

    • Shame Episode 6 Part 1: Journey from toxic shame to healthy guilt. Define shame. Healthy shame is designed to socialise us. Shame ‘I am wrong’, guilt ‘I did wrong’, or didn’t live up to my own standards. 6 mins

    • Shame Episode 6 Part 2: Prevalence of shame. Benefits of healthy shame. The qualities of a guide through the path out of shame. Long steady process. Shame between parent and child flipping. 6 mins

    • Shame Episode 6 Part 3: Self compassion versus self esteem. Poem Opening a Door by William Ayot. Tolerate discomfort builds resilience. Kristin Neff’s statistics on compassion. The 3 legs of compassion. 10 mins

    • Shame Episode 6 Part 4: If you are the only one who can’t be fixed, that is a negative inflation. Self compassion is self kindness, mindfulness and common humanity. Shame and empathy. Being allowed to sit in shame. Rescuing. 8 mins

    • Shame Episode 6 Part 5: Some clients shy away from the word shame. Alternative words. Create a shared working definition of shame and guilt with your client. Shame is in the body as well as the head. A Model for Treating Shame: 9 mins

    • Shame Episode 6 Part 6: Aspect 2: feeling. Aspect 3: imagining. Pick an object to represent shame. The lemon visualisation. Slow everything down. 8 mins

    • Shame Episode 6 Part 7: Self soothing. Breathing. Dropping the tone of voice. Poem: Back to the Numbers by William Ayot. What you can do physically over zoom. Clients who hold a cushion. 7 mins

    • Shame Episode 6 Part 8: Aspect 4: relating. Normalising. Self revelation to an appropriate level. You are not alone, you impact me. Examples of interpersonal relational questions. Aspect 5: guiding. Exercise: writing a letter. 7 mins

    • Shame Episode 6 Part 9: Writing about yourself in the third person to find a compassionate place. Poem: Take Her Down by William Ayot. Example of using the 5 Aspects Model with a client. Shifting physiology. 10 mins

    • Shame Episode 6 Part 10: If this was your friend? Pesso Boyden Ideal Parent Visualisation (this is a ‘free preview’ - go to the Pesso Boyden Techniques 1 to watch free of charge). Gesture to throw away the shame. Stalking the shame. 5 mins

    • Shame Episode 6 Part 11: Moving to healthy guilt. Assess seriousness. Make a pie chart of responsibltiies. Make reparation to rebuild the inter-personal bridge. Poem: Breaking the Silence by William Ayot. 11 mins

  • 2

    This is the audio version of Treating Shame in one unbroken version

    • This is the audio version of Treating Shame: Tools and Techniques, in one unbroken audio version. 1 hour 35 mins

  • 3

    This is the same video - Treating Shame, Tools and Techniques - in one unbroken piece for those who prefer to watch 1 hour 35 minutes together

    • Treating Shame, Tools and Techniques: The unbroken video - i.e. 1 hour 30 mins continuous

  • 4

    Feedback and Certificate of Completion

    • Please give feedback. NB A Certificate of Completion is released once feedback form has been filled in.

What people say about Treating Shame

Befriending my inner champion

Comments from the audience of the live talk

Very moving. very human workshop. I am very grateful to you both, you work so well together. I loved the poems. The writing exercise was so powerful - I cried buckets while doing it, and my hand hurts I wrote so much. It was so nice to befriend the inner champion instead of meeting the inner critic.

A smattering of brilliance

Comments from the audience of the live talk

William, I'm truly humbled to bear witness to your sharing, and your vulnerability. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. This has been very powerful, and an experience which will stay with me. It was a wonderful workshop. A combination of knowledge, experience, and a smattering of brilliance.



Juliet Grayson and William Ayot

JULIET GRAYSON has worked as a psychotherapist since 1991. She specialises in working with couples and sexual problems. As a psychotherapist she is UKCP registered, NLPtCA accredited, COSRT accredited, and a PBSP accredited Trainer. WILLIAM AYOT is an award-winning poet, author, teacher and ritualist. Over three decades he has hosted and led, men’s and mixed personal development events and rites of passage. He uses poetry and the arts to teach leadership in boardrooms and business schools around the world, currently teaching on the Advanced Management Programme at INSEAD. William designs and leads bespoke rituals for individuals. He is available for one-to-one coaching online.

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