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    Shame and Relationships

    • Please read this before moving on to the next part.

    • Shame Episode 4 Part 1: Shame as part of the currency of the family. When parents love a version that is not really her, that is shame inducing. We may walk through the door of our parent’s home as a child, not as an adult. 5 minutes.

    • Shame Episode 4 Part 2: How to react to presents you don’t like. Rules & Christmas rituals in different families. Passing the shame on. The sadness of not being seen. Puberty as a threat to parents. Words around shame that people can accept . 5 mins.

    • Shame Episode 4 Part 3: Family history affects our predisposition to shame. Different tribes, prejudices, and values. The 80:20 rule. Mis-attunement. 5 mins

    • Shame Episode 4 Part 4: The gender divide. Anger or tears instead of shame. Chores: he likes to rest & then do chores, she liked to do chores & then rest. Demand anxiety. Communicate so your partner can hear. 8 mins

    • Shame Episode 4 Part 5: Humour & shame. Negative assumptions. Respecting our differences. We are one. Shyness and shame. A penetrating parent. Shyness shuts down spontaneity. Being exposed. The artists dilemma. Celebrity shamelessness. 8 mins

    • Shame Episode 4 Part 6: Self worth. Examples of blessing. New relationships. Telling someone about this shameful part of my history. Telling too much too soon. Shame by association. 5 mins

    • Shame Episode 4 Part 7: The shame of ageing. Feeling like too much for your partner. Ageing & shame. Shame rules in dysfunctional families. Secrecy, Perfectionism. Blame. 5 mins

    • Shame Episode 4 Part 8: Virginia Satir - 5 Freedoms. Don’t talk. Don't make mistakes. Shame passed down the generations. Don’t say sorry. Don’t trust. 6 mins

    • Shame Episode 4 Part 9: Shame bound families & conflict. Heartfelt apology to dissipate tension. Compliments can trigger shame. Poem “Two ways of looking at the world." 7 mins

    • Shame Episode 4 Part 10: What to do when being shamed. Old roles & families of origin (FOO). Get strong before you stand up to your FOO. Shame isnot a life sentence. Self soothe and self-regulate. See self thru shining eyes of parent. 8 mins

    • Shame Episode 4 Part 11: When dealing with own children don’t be perfect. Make mistakes, it gives permission. Terry Real’s model: How to give feedback to your partner. 3 mins

    • Shame Episode 4 Part 12: Normal is not normal. Question: feedback with someone who experiences that as criticism. Pendulation. Using the 4 realms. Love ‘em up good. Attachment theory. Being grounded our body as therapists. Naming & blessing. 6 mins

    • Shame Episode 4 Part 13: Under anger is a wound, inside blame is shame. Wrapping shame in anger. Shame thrives in the dark. Naming shame gives dimension. Shame to vulnerability. Anger begets anger, softness can beget softness. 6 mins

  • 2

    This is the audio version of Shame and Relationship : 1 hour 21 mins

    • This is the audio version of Shame and Relationship : 1 hour 21 mins

  • 3

    This is the same video - Shame and Relationship - in one unbroken piece for those who prefer to watch 1 hour 21 minutes together

    • Shame and Relationship: The unbroken video - i.e. 1 hour 21 mins continuous

  • 4

    Feedback and Certificate of Completion

    • Please give feedback. NB A Certificate of Completion is released once feedback form has been filled in.

What people say about Shame and Relationship

  • 5 star review

    So engaging. I totally loved your sharing, which brought this workshop alive for me. I am blown away by you both. You’ve helped me to realise why, when I drive to visit my Mum, the growing proximity makes me increasingly anxious, the closer I get. William, I am going to give your poetry books as presents!

  • Lucy Baker - Medical Doctor

    I loved all of it!! Learnt lots. In particular: The 5 freedoms. Reactions to shame (attack self/other, withdraw, deny). Asking for clarification when being shamed "what do you mean?" Four step feedback. Pendulation. Blessing. Loved it.

More things that people say about the Shame and Relationships talk

5 star rating

Shame and Relationships

M.E. Jenkins

A very open and comfortable exploration of this difficult topic.

A very open and comfortable exploration of this difficult topic.

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Juliet Grayson and William Ayot

JULIET GRAYSON has worked as a psychotherapist since 1991. She specialises in working with couples and sexual problems. As a psychotherapist she is UKCP registered, NLPtCA accredited, COSRT accredited, and a PBSP accredited Trainer. WILLIAM AYOT is an award-winning poet, author, teacher and ritualist. Over three decades he has hosted and led, men’s and mixed personal development events and rites of passage. He uses poetry and the arts to teach leadership in boardrooms and business schools around the world, currently teaching on the Advanced Management Programme at INSEAD. William designs and leads bespoke rituals for individuals. He is available for one-to-one coaching online.

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