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    Shame and Betrayal

    • Please read this before moving on to the next part.

    • Shame Episode 5 Part 1: When we are betrayed, it opens a jack-in-a-box of past rejections, failure and mistakes. Betrayal is such a visceral shock it sparks our shame. Moving from toxic shame to healthy guilt. 7 mins

    • Shame Episode 5 Part 2: The different kinds of betrayal. We are betrayed by our friends and lovers, not by our enemies. If we speak about a betrayal and it is not believed - that is a second betrayal. Shame & betrayal both thrive on secrecy. 3 mins

    • Shame Episode 5 Part 3: Betrayal at work. Self-betrayal. Betrayed by your own body. Betrayal is a psycho-physiological experience. Juliet talks about her first husband’s affair. Once the door of betrayal has been opened it never... 8 mins

    • Shame Episode 5 Part 4: The time of innocence before the betrayal. Pure, naked, untroubled and free. Then cast out of Eden. Lost innocence. Poem – ‘Counting the Marigolds’ by William Ayot. Naïvete - the flying boy and... 5 mins

    • Shame Episode 5 Part 5: Trust and betrayal and inextricably linked. Death by 1,000 cuts. James Hillman and the puer eternam. John Lee. The qualities of the flying boy & girl. Icarus got too close the sun and crashed. 7 mins

    • Shame Episode 5 Part 6: Breakout room discussions. Revenge. Pesso Boyden recognises revenge as a normal human need. Family constellations - the guilty person put things back into order by carrying the consequences themselves. 10 mins

    • Shame Episode 5 Part 7: Poem: by William Stafford – ‘Meditation’. Meeting the flying boy and bringing him to the ground. One of the most serious betrayals is self-betrayal. The monogamy contract is not with my partner, it is with myself. 5 mins

    • Shame Episode 5 Part 8: Paranoia, with the aim of protecting oneself against being betrayed again. A demand for a relationship without the possibility of betrayal is not based on trust, but on power. I cannot control my partner. 2 mins

    • Shame Episode 5 Part 9: Forgiveness brought too quickly can lead to resentments. Hillman says, the betrayer needs to carry their sin, otherwise the betrayed person has to carry it. Help clients to wrap the betrayal into the story of their... 12 mins

    • Shame Episode 5 Part 10: Atonement. We need to atone to the opposite gender. 3 weeks after William making atonement, William and Juliet were in a relationship. Contempt between the genders. Taking an honest inventory of when we have been the betrayer.

    • Shame Episode 5 Part 11: Acknowledging our betrayal, Moving from toxic shame to healthy guilt. What actions and decisions led to the betrayal? What excuses did you use? Did you hide from yourself? What did you lie about? 3 mins

    • Shame Episode 5 Part 12: Question: the fine line between wanting someone to be accountable for their actions and shaming them. Question: If the person who has betrayed is not remorseful is it possible for there to be forgiveness?. 11 mins

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    This is the audio version of Shame and Betrayal : 1 hour 25 mins

    • This is the whole audio in one unbroken version, which you can download. 1 hour 25 mins

  • 3

    This is the same video - Shame and Betrayal - in one unbroken piece for those who prefer to watch 1 hour 25 minutes together

    • Shame and Betrayal: The unbroken video - i.e. 1 hour 25 mins continuous

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    Feedback and Certificate of Completion

    • Please give feedback. NB A Certificate of Completion is released once feedback form has been filled in.

What people say about Shame and Betrayal

  • 5 star review

    I loved the ideas you put forward about the betrayed and betrayer relationship, and how important it is that each of them takes responsibility before repair can truly happen.

  • 5 star review

    Dark, But So Important This is one I will remember for a long time. In particular, the journey from primal trust, through betrayal, and the death of naivety, to finally becoming grounded. The other important topics for me were the blocks to healing: revenge, denial, cynicism, self-betrayal, paranoid delusions and defences.



Juliet Grayson and William Ayot

JULIET GRAYSON has worked as a psychotherapist since 1991. She specialises in working with couples and sexual problems. As a psychotherapist she is UKCP registered, NLPtCA accredited, COSRT accredited, and a PBSP accredited Trainer. WILLIAM AYOT is an award-winning poet, author, teacher and ritualist. Over three decades he has hosted and led, men’s and mixed personal development events and rites of passage. He uses poetry and the arts to teach leadership in boardrooms and business schools around the world, currently teaching on the Advanced Management Programme at INSEAD. William designs and leads bespoke rituals for individuals. He is available for one-to-one coaching online.

You Can Also Watch

Episode 6: Treating Shame

  • £10.00

    £10.00Exploring Shame Series 1, Episode 6: Treating Shame, Tools, Techniques (90 mins)

    You can watch this video in short segments, all in one long film, or download the audio to listen 'off line'.

    Many therapists don’t notice shame in their clients. Others notice, but lack the confidence to tackle this slippery topic. And there are those therapists who cannot bear to address a client’s shame because they have not explored their own. It is said that if a client is stuck then shame will often be at the root of that.

    Juliet Grayson and WiIliam Ayot will bring together and share a wide range of tools and techniques to deal with this pervasive issue in ourselves and our clients.

    They share their model called:
    The Five Aspects of Treating Shame.

    This is a workshop that will be beneficial for both therapists AND for members of the general public.
    Buy Now