With its baggage of secrecy and judgement, shame is one of the more difficult facets of trauma that need to be unpacked in the therapist’s room. Its complexities and infectious nature can leave therapists feeling unsure and lacking confidence. This presentation provides ways to build bridges, reconnecting clients to themselves, their families and to others.

  • 1

    Breaking the Cycle - Treating Shame

    • Please read prior to beginning the course

    • Introduction to course; definitions of shame; repairing the interpersonal and intrapersonal bridge.

    • Part one: Lyon and Rubin’s four realms in treating shame: thinking, feeling, imagining, relating, + the compassionate guide added by Juliet and William; common shame reactions; relating to the client; normalising the shame; managing shame within.

    • Part two: The freezing response to shame; fight, flight, freeze; triggered by another’s shame & knowing what to look out for; breathing & the parasympathetic nervous system; taking responsibility for your nervous system; The Pesso Boyden System.

    • Part three: Tonic immobility; psychoeducation; Danse Macabre by William Ayot; responding to the client’s survival state appropriately; disconnection in the freeze state; addressing the freeze state first.

    • Part four: Moving from freeze to connection and finding movement; the therapist being aware/conscious of their own actions; activating a right brain-right brain connection; self modulating between the relating and the feeling; The Bridge by William Ayot.

    • Part five: Re-shaming of people by those who have been shamed; stepping in and out of shame; assessing shame in the therapy room; awareness of shame triggers, Flashback by William Ayot; reframing shame; focusing on the body & its intelligence.

    • Part six: Q&A; projecting and habitual shaming; managing shame in a client with no memory of the source; differentiating between fear of shame and the shame itself; Juliet’s recollection of feeling toxic shame.

    • Part seven: Q&A part two; being shame avoidant; adult children of alcoholics and shame in addiction; more on psychoeducation; the client who is addicted to the pain of shame; Pietàs by William Ayot, closing of the course.

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    Audio of the talk

    • Breaking the Cycle - Treating Shame audio

  • 3

    The full length video, uncut

    • Breaking the Cycle - Treating Shame, full length video

  • 4

    Breaking the Cycle - Treating Shame resources

    • Resources: The poems that were read; the 5 aspects model in treating shame; links to other Shame courses, workshops, relevant websites and our mailing list.

  • 5

    Feedback and Certificate of Completion

    • Feedback form and certificate



Juliet Grayson and William Ayot

JULIET GRAYSON has worked as a psychotherapist since 1991. She specialises in working with couples and sexual problems. As a psychotherapist she is UKCP registered, NLPtCA accredited, COSRT accredited, and a PBSP accredited Trainer. WILLIAM AYOT is an award-winning poet, author, teacher and ritualist. Over three decades he has hosted and led, men’s and mixed personal development events and rites of passage. He uses poetry and the arts to teach leadership in boardrooms and business schools around the world, currently teaching on the Advanced Management Programme at INSEAD. William designs and leads bespoke rituals for individuals. He is available for one-to-one coaching online.

Watch the next episode in Exploring Shame Series 2

  • £10.00

    £10.00Exploring Shame Series 2, Episode 3: Subtle Poison of Shame - How we Unwittingly Hurt Each Other and Pass Shame on (75 mins)

    Shame exists in many damaged and diminished lives. From cruel jokes & words to the belittling of colleagues, the poison of shame affects society. We explore the subtle ways we hurt others, and how we unwittingly pass down the poison of shame.
    Watch here